New Header

I changed my header to a picture I just took yesterday from the top of Cerro San Cristobal. What do you guys think? It doesn't match the blog layout as well as the picture of the crashing waves did, but I like it better because it's a picture of Santiago. Since that's where I live, it makes sense.

So, speaking of matching, does anybody know how I change the colors of the blog, while keeping the same layout? Keep in mind I know NADA about HTML. I'd really like to make the empty sides that are blue right now, dark purple. If it's not too complicated to do and you wouldn't mind leaving a comment sharing explicit instructions, I'd be forever grateful :)

Happy Blirgthday To Me

No, that's not jibberish...today is my blirgthday. Just Married Chilean Style was born one year ago to the day!

I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has ever taken the time to read, link or comment here, even if it's just to tell me that I should leave Chile! I love this little online corner of the world so much that I don't even mind the haters :)

Back in college, I had been harassed on my old Livejournal blog. I was ripped to shreds by people in my hometown because my beliefs are different from theirs...I'm a Democrat, I'm sometimes atheistic, sometimes agnostic, I love gay people, wish they could marry and don't think they're going to hell and I don't think all illegal immigrants should be deported or forced to learn to speak "American." My feelings were so hurt by nasty comments about those topics, from people I had known my whole life, that I made my blog private and then just eventually deleted it. Blogging had soured for me.

But, after a few non-blogging years, I couldn't take it anymore. I needed an outlet for my frustrations, more than ever once I moved to Chile. So I began this blog because I wanted to be able to publish my posts. Although I didn't mind if anybody that I had never met before read me, I was hoping that it would stay a secret from people that I know in the flesh and blood. After about a half a year of not telling anybody about it, I "came out" as a blogger to my mom and sent her the link. After that, I told just one or two really close friends that I was keeping a blog. And finally, I decided that I would go all out...I put a link on Facebook. I'm past caring if people judge. I am who I am, I like what I like and I believe what I believe (profound, I know :P). That's not going to change. I'll continue to post my perspectives on the way I view my life.

Any negative comments or emails that I've received along the way have far been outweighed by the good stuff that has come my way because of JMCS. Hearing responses from people around the world who have left their home countries and ended up moving abroad to Chile and elsewhere, for love or other reasons, have been so cool! Sometimes I can't believe that from Japan, to Spain, to Russia to Chile, so many of us expats connect because of the similar emotions and experiences that we're living. And I've also connected with people like housewives, or Chilean sociologists,that I may have never met in the "real world." Without this blog, the chances are much slimmer that our paths would have crossed.

This blog and the friendships and support that have come along with it, truly enrich my life.

In celebration of the blirgthday, I decided to try something new and I uploaded a video of my night...stormy in Santiago. If you watch, mute it...my voice is annoying.

Amigas

Gringa party last night...we had a great time! And yes, our Chileans were all there too. They got jealous when we started talking about blogging so according to S. they're going to start a "manblog" about what it's like being married to crazy gringas :)

Happy Belated Mother's Day

To all the moms out there reading this, happy belated Mother's Day! We celebrated today by taking S.'s mom and aunt (who is like his second mom, she's lived with them her whole life) out to lunch. We were supposed to be back in Santiago on the actual Mother's Day but we were photographing a wedding about 5 hours away and we had hours of car trouble so we didn't make it in time to celebrate with the family.

Lunch was amazingly delicious and overabundant, which is unfortunate because I have a barbecue to attend tonight and when I opened up my internet I was greeted by a COME HUNGRY email detailing all the food and drinks that the hostess made/bought.

And last night was all about the food too. I'm part of a group of hundreds of women who live in Chile and are married to or dating Chileans. So some of us from the group had a get together at a restaurant owned by one of them and oh my word, it was so good, but so stinking expensive! The women were all older, most of them 50+, so that was a little strange for me. Also, some of them have been here for over 10 years. When I arrived with a friend who is my age, we immediately started talking to the two other girls who are our age as well. The older women began cracking jokes about how we could look at them and see ourselves in 20 years. I forced a smile and laughed politely, all the while thinking in my head, "Hell no, I better not be in Chile 20 years down the road from now!" There's nothing wrong with that decision if that's what you want, but for S. and I, this just isn't the life for us. Then one of the older women began asking us what our plans are for the future. All of us younger girls talked about what we're doing in Chile and when we plan to leave.

The woman slowly shook her head and said, "That's what they all say."

She added that many Chilean men say they're willing to leave permanently but after a few years outside their country they'll try and convince you to come back.

I really can't imagine S. wanting to come back. He's dead set against living here. But, now the seed of doubt has been planted. I can't help but wonder if he'll change his mind in a few years. Good lord, I hope not!

Part II: So Kyle, I Want To Move To Chile...

It's been so long since I wrote Part I, that I forgot what I had even been planning to write about. I really didn't mean to leave the post pending on such a negative note, although I stand by everything I said, 100%. I had wanted to come back the next day and write about how now I quite enjoy my life here now, but then my computer died.

And yes, for those who doubted the average salary I wrote of 250 mil pesos, that is more or less correct. I did further research and depending on various sources, the average salary is between 213 mil pesos, 278 mil pesos, and 300 mil pesos a month. And even those averages are doubtful because the top earning 10 percent in Chile make between 25-43 times more than the bottom earning 10 percent...so the top ten percent's earnings seriously skew the statistics upward. The study that showed the highest average salary only included 26% of the workforce and they gave 400 mil pesos as an average.

Anyways, so say you're going to move here. You think you'll try to get a job lined up before you come down...everyone says, "Oh you speak English? Don't worry, you'll have no problem getting a job here!" Let me just go ahead and debunk that myth for you right now. First of all, trying to get a job while you're not even here is extremely difficult (unless you want to be an English teacher, in which case it's a more likely scenario). Second of all, you might speak English, but having a degree from a U.S. university doesn't necessarily qualify you for anything. In Chile their education system differs from ours in that their degrees are much more specific. You don't take 2 years of gen eds and then 2 years of classes in your major. Depending on the major you take 4-6 years of major specific classes. In the U.S. many people graduate and then work in a totally different field than what they studied. Here, people don't do that. Our mentality is, if I'm smart and a hard worker then I can learn to do anything. And many times in the U.S. employers will take the risk of higher somebody that doesn't have the exact qualifications if they seem bright enough. In Chile a lot of companies don't even have training policies. You arrive and on your first day of work and you better know how to do your job.

Let me just put it this way...I once went to an interview for a secretarial job, and didn't get it because I don't have a degree in Secretaria. I have two degrees from a reputable university in the U.S. but they didn't mean jack to the company since I had not studied how to be a secretary.

So, going back to the working situation, getting a job not as an English teacher is difficult here for foreigners. Another factor is having a "pituto," or an in/contact at the company. Obviously most foreigners have far less pitutos than someone who has lived here their whole lives so your odds of getting a job that way are severely reduced, while I know some Chileans who have worked at every single job they've ever held because of pitutos.

Out of all the gringas I know that live here, the majority teach English and a couple work for foreign owned companies. One girl's company is half owned by a Chilean but her boss is Swedish so I don't know if that counts. She's the closest I can think of that works for a "Chilean company."

Also, many people have the misconception that being in South America, Chile will be cheap. It's not...most foreigners are usually shocked by how everything here costs just as much as it does in the U.S. The only main thing I've noticed that is significantly cheaper than the U.S. is rent, which is a big chunk of living costs, so it helps. But, clothing, internet/cable, phone bills, hot water are usually on par with costs in the U.S., but since salaries aren't even close to salaries in the U.S. it's sort of like an evil, evil joke.



So after all that, I also want to talk about how it is possible to make a nice life for yourself if you work at it. My happiness levels now, compared to three years ago, are through the roof! When I first got here, I felt very down about myself. I thought it was my fault I couldn't make friends with Chilean women. I couldn't understand why I was having such trouble finding a job. Living with my in-laws was making me want to stab someone in the eyeball with a fork.

Eventually I started realizing that those things really weren't personal attacks on me, they're all cultural. I started making a ton of new friends when we moved from Estacion Central to Providencia. Whereas before I was basically the only gringa in my neighborhood, in the sector I'm living in now foreigners probably outnumber Chileans! No, that's an over exaggeration, but it's true that not a day goes by in which I don't hear someone speaking English at some point in my day, even when it's people I don't know and am just overhearing at the gym or the grocery store. Since moving to this neighborhood in December I have met approximately 10-15 really cool, really awesome gringas, who live here semi-permanently with their Chilean significant others (most are planning to leave within the next 5 years).

Anyways, meeting these gringas changed my life. Aside from giving me friends and a validation that YES, I'm still normal and still have the social skill set to interact with gringas, even though I can't do it with Chilenas, it was also reassuring (in a really sad way) to realize that none of them have a lot of Chilena friends either. They all struggle with the same problems I did with my in-laws. And many of them had a rough time during the job hunt too. It was like the clouds parted, the light shined down and I realized, "It's NOT ME. It's a different culture."

And guess what...I don't have to love it. I didn't love everything about the U.S. either, so why should I expect here to be any different?

Other HUGE factors that have made a significant change in my life for the better:

1. My relationship with S. has been growing and changing for the better. We're more stable, we understand each other better, and we're both learning how to be better for each other. Our first 6 months of marriage were bumpy, the second 6 months were ok, and the last 6 months have been a walk in the park!
2. Having a maid. Let's not beat around the bush, having a nana is one of the best parts about living in this country.
3. Living in a livable sector of Santiago. Estacion Central was not hospitable for me. I couldn't go out if it was dark, even at 6pm. People stared at me like a freak show. There was no green places for me to jog. Restaurants and cafes were far away. Friends were far away. Everything was ugly and there was always trash and dog poop all over the sidewalks. Now that I live in Providencia all that has changed and my quality of life has improved by about a gazillion percent.
4. Working from home and earning a U.S. salary. I'm much more relaxed now that we don't have to worry about money, or stressful hours (on my end at least).
5. And just in case I haven't reiterated this point enough...making friends was such a turning point for me! I'm so much happier now that I have gringa friends.
   

So there you have it. That's my take on moving to Santiago. When I tried to fully integrate into this society and it didn't work, I was unhappy. So now rather than try to do thing the Chilean way, I do things my way. I have one foot in their world and one foot in mine and that's the way I like it.

To sum it all up, I'm VERY happy here right now. But, I would never consider living here long term. No way, Jose.

I hope that helps answer people's questions!

Madness

Soooo, I wrote that last post thinking that I was going to post Part II the next day. Obviously that hasn't happened. My computer died. S. and I are sharing his at the moment which means I use it during the day for work and then he uses it at night when he gets home. So basically I haven't really had any free time to get things like blogging done. When I'm on his computer during the day, I need to be as productive as possible so I can get everything done before he arrives.

And, I was out of town this past weekend! I went to Ovalle to shoot a wedding. I have barely started editing the photos but there are just a couple up at my photography blog if you're interested.

Part I: So Kyle, I Want To Move To Chile...

So, there's definitely something in the water because this month I've received a slew of emails from people telling me they want to move to Chile to be with their Chilean significant other. And by slew, I mean like 1 a week, haha :P

Anyways, each email that I received was pretty similar and went something along the lines of, I've met the Chilean of my dreams. I want to move to Chile to be with him and your blog has encouraged me to do so. Can you give me any advice?

Now, I'm not so totally ego-centric to think that my opinion will actually influence someone on whether or not they should move to this country. As I was talking about with a friend the other day, most likely these women emailing me have already made up their minds but just want their decision validated. So I want to write out a few things just to give these women some food for thought.

This specific question made me want to write this blog post:

"Is it all worth it...leaving America to live in Santiago?"

In a nutshell, yes. But, yes is the easy answer. And like I've mentioned before, absolutely nothing here is easy.

All my gringa friends who live here are at varying states of like/dislike/pure hatred with this country. Some people can't do it. I've also known a few women that have arrived and realized that their love for their Chilean man was not enough to overcome the difficult reality of life here.

I've been here for 3 years now. During the first six months of study abroad I was blissfully unaware. Riding the metro still seemed like a game, catcalls were amusing not men's annoying statements exerting their machismo and control over women in this country, over-involved mother in laws were sweet and how mean and cranky Chileans are to each other seemed funny to me. I didn't know about the 12 hour workday or the $213 CHP a month average wage (about $500 dollars). I didn't realize how much it SUCKS to live here, when this is your only reality. If you're not going back to your life of luxury in the U.S. in 6 months, everything that seemed cute and old fashioned and fun when you first arrived, is suddenly horrifying.

After that first 6 months of study abroad, when reality started to set in, I went through a hatred phase. Most of the gringas that I've talked to go through this phase, but if you're in a relationship with a Chilean it seems more intense. Probably because said Chilean will not love the fact that you're hating on his homeland therefore causing massive arguments.

Another huge factor to consider before moving here is the stability of your relationship. Even if you think have a solid relationship, Chile will test it's breaking point. Only the strong survive. When you move to a country for a guy, he becomes your world. All of us expats have seen independent confident women shrivel to totally dependent emotional wrecks. It happens to the best of us. What can you expect? You move here, you don't know anybody, you think the culture can't be that different and you'll be able to fit in just fine. In the end you struggle to make it and your Chilean becomes a sort of lifeline to hold on to. Without him, you'd either drown or move back home. So your world is totally wrapped up in that one person, which means every little problem is under a magnifying glass. If you're not happy with your relationship then you're just not happy because that's all you have. It might sound totally pathetic, but don't judge until you've lived here.

While in the U.S. you would call your friends and bitch and complain about your significant other's stupidity, go out for a night on the town with the girls and be ready to laugh the fight off by the end of the night, here you might not have anywhere to blow off steam. A lot of us were incredibly isolated when we were first got here. Or even if you do have Chilean female friends they don't exactly give advice that we're used to hearing...if he cheats, take him back and forget about it, any bad behavior blame is excusable because he's a man, oh, and the catcalls...just enjoy those! Forget that the men are making you feel like nothing more than a piece of meat who doesn't have the right to walk down the street without getting harassed. The cultural divide between Chilean women and women from the U.S. is even bigger than between a Chilean man and a woman from the U.S.

To be continued...

Tomorrow I'll talk about my husband's hilarious reaction to the emails from gringas who want to move to Chile, the nearly impossible but not totally impossible task of finding a job (that doesn't involve teaching English or making a salary you couldn't live on -- those jobs are a dime a dozen) in your field of study, and why having money changes everything.